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ORLANDO DOZIER
I am because we are
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Member Since: 1/2006Last Seen: 11/22/2009
Member Since: 1/2006Last Seen: 11/22/2009
11 Comments
PrintHow to survive a California zombie robot drivers uprising
News Type: Opinion — Sun Aug 17, 2008 8:57 AM EDT
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It happened July 1st of the year. That's the day that I woke up to find the streets infested with California zombie robot drivers. It says if they crawled out of their graves that morning and shuffled into their cars to wreak havoc on the highways. July 1st of this year was the day that hands-free driving became mandatory in the state of California and it is as if the people took that phrase literally.
All drivers are now required to wear headsets or use another hands-free device in the car while driving. But for me, all I saw was a sea of mind controlled zombie robot drivers listening to the little voices in their heads. The ear piece looks like some cyber growth eerily blinking on the side of their heads.
During that morning's drive to work, I wish with all my might that I had a monster truck so that I could crush the idiot in front of me. This cell phone zealot was driving in some twilight zone sing song rhythm. When the little voices in his head told him to speed up, he would accelerate like a jack rabbit and when the little voices said slow down he would crawl slower than a turtle. This type of behavior has given the phrase "defensive driving" a new meaning. If you thought Californian drivers were bad before, stay out of this state now.
To survive this new menace you will have two drive defensively constantly. Anti-locking brakes are no longer an option. Also, give serious consideration to safety the next time your teenage kid asked for the keys.
Combined this blinking silicone growth with a GPS system and you have 1 million ticking time-bombs driving on the roads of California. We all know that the Governator is an android, it's just that we never thought he would turn the rest of us into one. Skynet is online in California.
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{"commentId":2480944,"authorDomain":"thevineofhob"}
You had me at zombie.
I never bought into the whole "hands-free" headset idea. The problem with talking and driving was only partly holding or dialing the cellphone. A greater part is that while we are immersed in conversation on the phone, even a hands-free phone, we put less of our attention on driving. Maybe that's ok most of the time, but it still leads to times when that's not ok and accidents happen.
{"commentId":2480944,"threadId":"333640","contentId":"1756308","authorDomain":"thevineofhob"}
- 1 vote
#1 - Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:08 PM EDT{"commentId":2485283,"authorDomain":"fawnshore"}
You had me at zombie.
No, you can not live with me. ($5 to the first person who understands this joke).
{"commentId":2485283,"threadId":"333640","contentId":"1756308","authorDomain":"fawnshore"}
- 2 votes
{"commentId":2481326,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Makes mental note to read this before I go to so. cal for the holidays so I can drive/react accordingly.
Very nice piece. Clipped to Newsviner's Picks.
{"commentId":2481326,"threadId":"333640","contentId":"1756308","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
- 1 vote
#2 - Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:57 PM EDT{"commentId":2483011,"authorDomain":"mysticchick"}
The handsfree headset idea is just ridiculous. The phone to the ear is not the distraction - the conversation is the distraction.
Distractions can also take form in fiddling with one's radio, slapping one's children in the backseat, eating food while driving, becoming engaged in a conversation with one's passengers, or fumbling for a kleenex while the car is in motion.
Simple solution: don't drive while distracted.
I wonder what the heck is trying to be solved in making people wear headsets - I know that Bluetooth has had a good couple of months because of this. Maybe the powers that be are trying to stimulate the economy with headset sales and violation fines...
{"commentId":2483011,"threadId":"333640","contentId":"1756308","authorDomain":"mysticchick"}
- 2 votes
#3 - Sun Aug 17, 2008 6:58 PM EDT{"commentId":2483118,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Simple solution: don't drive while distracted.
devil's advocate: so parents shouldn't be allowed to drive with kids in the backseat?
{"commentId":2483118,"threadId":"333640","contentId":"1756308","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
{"commentId":2483149,"authorDomain":"mysticchick"}
devil's advocate: so parents shouldn't be allowed to drive with kids in the backseat?
No, drive with kids in the backseat, but when you threaten to "pull this car over," follow through with it!
If you have to reach into the backseat while driving on the freeway to smack your kids then you need to pull over and take care of the situation rather than endangering yourself and the rest of the drivers near you.
{"commentId":2483149,"threadId":"333640","contentId":"1756308","authorDomain":"mysticchick"}
- 2 votes
{"commentId":2483377,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
and when driving with a significant other wanting to have a deep conversation about what exactly your future is together you should say, "i'm sorry but i find this conversation distracting to my driving?"
{"commentId":2483377,"threadId":"333640","contentId":"1756308","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
{"commentId":2484215,"authorDomain":"mysticchick"}
and when driving with a significant other wanting to have a deep conversation about what exactly your future is together you should say, "i'm sorry but i find this conversation distracting to my driving?"
God, yes, because if the passenger says something really upsetting to the driver, the driver may end up driving off a cliff!
You have to understand - the whole issue with the headseats is that people were "driving while distracted" by having their phone to their ear. Distractions abound. Some people can deal with it, some people can't. If you're too distracted by what's going on in your car to pay attention to the road then you probably shouldn't be driving. Take a break and start again in a few minutes when you can pay attention.
This is my mantra for everything: Get your head in the game.
{"commentId":2484215,"threadId":"333640","contentId":"1756308","authorDomain":"mysticchick"}
- 1 vote
{"commentId":2487865,"authorDomain":"take2la"}
{"commentId":2485295,"authorDomain":"fawnshore"}
California zombie robot drivers.
I've never seen a triply redundant phrase before!
{"commentId":2485295,"threadId":"333640","contentId":"1756308","authorDomain":"fawnshore"}
- 3 votes
#4 - Sun Aug 17, 2008 11:54 PM EDT{"commentId":2485856,"authorDomain":"pmags"}
Walt, cut back on the Red Bull. You've been on the roll and laser sharp over a week now...
{"commentId":2485856,"threadId":"333640","contentId":"1756308","authorDomain":"pmags"}
- 1 vote
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